


Baby Steps

by thatdragonchic



Series: The Road to Recovery [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Derek Hale Loves Stiles Stilinski, Derek is a Good Boyfriend, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Stiles, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, M/M, Protective Derek, Sad Stiles, Scott is a Bad Friend, Stiles Runs Away, Stiles Stilinski Feels Guilty, Stiles Stilinski Loves Derek Hale, Stiles-centric, and he is sad, and they're in love, but derek makes him happy, but not really, derek trying to make things better, everything is kinda really shitty and hard for stiles, from the start, it gets progressively happier i think, it's good, it's like 7 pages of slight improvement, leave your commnets tho!!!!!!, mentions of Donovan - Freeform, mentions of Scott - Freeform, mentions of eating disorders, sort of a halloween fic, sterek, sterek talking things out, stiles is just not eating, stiles runs to derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 00:36:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11956032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdragonchic/pseuds/thatdragonchic
Summary: It’s been two weeks since Stiles moved in with Derek, after the incident at home with Donovan. Two weeks since he left everything, two weeks since his stakeout with Theo, two weeks since they stayed up all night while Derek talked Stiles down from an edge he didn’t want Stiles to jump. Two weeks of Derek watching his boyfriend deteriorate underneath his fingers.





	Baby Steps

**Author's Note:**

> So I actually really like this  
> sort of a prelude to a thing i have going with Trent  
> thinking of making this a series leading up to full recovery years later, like a Stiles is Stuart au maybe, like where our thread leaves off? Idek but this is this, i like this, lmk if you like this????? comment on my fic??  
> <3

It’s been two weeks since Stiles moved in with Derek, after the incident at home with Donovan. Two weeks since he left everything, two weeks since his stakeout with Theo, two weeks since they stayed up all night while Derek talked Stiles down from an edge he didn’t want Stiles to jump. Two weeks of Derek watching his boyfriend deteriorate underneath his fingers. He wouldn’t eat, not really, he’d sort of just stare at his plate, pick away half of it, leave the other half. He drank enough coffee it made him shake but not seem anymore alive. He’d do chores like his life depended on it, filled out numerous job applications and was aiming to finish his GED online, he didn’t want to go to real school anymore, it would only alert people to where he was.

_ Paranoid.  _ All these years, Derek knew Stiles to be paranoid, but not like this. Not shaking, not breaking every few hours, not needing to be pulled taught at the strings by arms that didn’t seem to fit so right anymore. Stiles’ eyes? They never stopped shifting, glancing around, like the shadows on the walls were listening, watching. 

“Nothing is going to happen to you here,” Derek assures softly, watching him as he shakily tries to light up a cigarette. That’s another thing, it’s been two weeks since Derek discovered Stiles has developed a smoking habit, to ease his anxiety or so he says. He drops the lighter and exhales shakily. 

“Light me up,” he whispers, and Derek obediently picks up the lighter and lights the cigarette for him, Stiles sucking in and exhaling gracefully, the way his eyes shine in the purple dusk is sort of tragic, he looks like he’s broken, shattered to pieces. It scares Derek. “It feels like Scott might burst in here just to tell me how wrong I was, just tell me I’m a killer.”

“You’re not a killer Stiles. You… You’re human, and that guy was not human… you didn’t even have the intent to kill him when you pulled that pin. Just the intent to slow him down. It wasn’t voluntary.”

“It still feels like more… like it took part of me, like it ripped away something of me.”

“I know that feeling… I know how that feels.”

“I can’t… be who he wants me to be.”

“If he is Scott, he’s not here anymore. He’s not apart of your life, it’s just you and me now Stiles. It’s just  _ us _ …” 

And Derek is aware they’ve repeated this conversation everyday, maybe a few times a day since Stiles has called him, that the words are still sinking in. And ever the patient man is Derek because he won’t stop repeating this conversation until Stiles understands, until Stiles knows that he’s genuinely safe, that the shadows won’t leap at him, that his hands are clean from the blood that used to stain them. Stiles shudders in the event of a wind and he curls up further, sucking in smoke from the cigarette. 

“Those kill you know.”

“I’ll kick the habit eventually.” 

“You’ve been saying that a lot… about a lot of things.” 

“Have I?”

“You have.”

Derek scooches closer, tugs Stiles’ legs over his lap so Stiles body folds into his chest, his hand resting easy under the crook of his knees. “I’ll be better soon.”

“Maybe we should start on improving.”

“I don’t really know how.”

“It’ll take time.”

“I don’t really think I deserve it.”

“You deserve it.”

“I feel like I’m Jenny… from Forrest Gump? Running around, doing all these terrible self destructive things when happiness is always right in front of me, always available.”

“Don’t leave in the morning.”

“I have nowhere to go.”

“Neither did she… she still  _ left _ .”

“I’m not leaving.”

“I’m not always entirely sure that you’re here either Stiles… You’re a lot like a shadow sometimes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s scary.”

“Don’t be scared.”

“You’re my kryptonite.”

“How cheesy, superman.”

Derek laughs, Stiles offers a bit of a smile, flicks the ashes away into the ash tray. His eyes are kind of distant. “I’m not strong like you,” he finally says after a pause of silence. “You’re Derek Hale, you’re the alpha… you’ll always be the alpha, but I’m just Stiles.”

“And just Stiles is a lot… just Stiles carries a lot of pain and hurt and anger… carries his mother’s suicide and her illness and being possessed and all the friends he lost… just Stiles carries a lot of hope too. Carries a bright smile, and a good heart. Just Stiles resembles alpha Derek a lot.”

“You forgot about my wonderful sense of humor,” he says with the intent of teasing but is totally monotone when he says it. 

“How could I forget?” Derek whispers smiling. He moves the cigarette from Stiles lips before it could really reach them, and he presses a soft kiss there instead, as if it could suck the nicotine addiction straight from his lungs, as if it could seal every wound. And Stiles breathes in so deeply from his nose when he does it’s as if maybe he’s trying to breathe the air right of Derek’s lungs, taking the dioxide and making it into a single oxygen molecule, as if new again, reforming the respiration in his lungs, like the duel molecules would diffuse if he willed them too, like everything bad he’s ever done would unravel by sucking in that one breath from Derek. “Maybe we should… start with getting something more than coffee inside of your body.”

Stiles nods feebly. “You made dinner?”

“I did, you stared at it for an hour before deciding against it.”

“Oh…  _ yeah _ I remember that.” 

“Do you?” Derek teases, smiling kinda sadly.

“I’m just really in my head lately.”

“I made you that linguine you like.”

“With the shrimp and marinara sauce?”

“Yeah.”

“I missed it?”

“It’s waiting for you in the oven.”

“Oh good.”

“Do you want to eat?”

“I don’t know. I’m not hungry.”

“Your stomach is probably digesting itself by now, I think you’re hungry.”

Stiles shrugs, listening to the steady beat of Derek’s heart, folded perfectly into him, but not like he used to. He was more bone than muscle, he was more shaking nerves than skin. 

“Come on Stiles,” he whispers, Stiles finally putting the cigarette out. He breathes slowly, and it occurs to Derek it’s become rather chilly out considering it was the middle of October. He remembers when they were first dating, albiet it was about a year ago yet it felt like eons since then… Stiles loved October, he was a whole new person, who loved sweaters and cider and baking. He loved all things warm, and beanies were a staple to his wardrobe suddenly, he abandoned tshirts for warm colored flannels… he was always wearing these ridiculous socks, put little halloween lights in his room. He recalls watching Harry Potter the entire way through at least twice, Halloweentown three times and various other movie series, horror movies, halloween based episodes many times over on marathons between homework and twizzlers.

He bites his lip. “Did you bring any of your movies?”

“No… left them at dads. Why?”

“We should go to best buy later.”

“What for?”

“Movies.”

Stiles scoffs, lets Derek pick him up. “I can walk.”

“You’re comfortable, why make you move?”

“Whats the sudden love for movie?”

“Not even your Dracula collection? The original 1930’s version?”

“1920’s actually…” Stiles mumbles and Derek smiles, putting him down on the couch softly, the screen door still open in the kitchen. “Seriously, what are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

“Just have a sudden urge to watch all 87 Dracula movies?”

“Sure why not?”

Stiles raises a brow, squinting at him. “You hated Dracula last year.”

“That orgy scene was intense.” .

“Technically they were going to feed on his flesh so unless fucking corpses is hot to you…”

Derek rolls his eyes. “No, I just thought maybe you’d like it. Or Caspar, you like Caspar…. Halloweentown.”

“Twitches… Hocus Pocus… Nightmare Before Christmas. Oh and Monster House, there was also Jennifers body in that collection, along with Cabin in the Woods, all the Scream Movies, and oh my god the Scary Godmother series? Wow those were prime… you think my dad can get them shipped here by halloween?”

“We can go on a DVD hunt if that’s what you want.”

“And spend like 600 dollars on DVD’s? Derek I know you’ve got like… a butfuck of money from your family, but isn’t that ridiculous?”

“You don’t look dead for once, I think it’s worth it.” 

Stiles smiles softly, opens his arms, gesturing Derek join him on the couch. Derek does, settles with his chest to Stiles. “We can buy you dinner.”

“You made me pasta.”

“Yeah but you’ve lost…. A lot of weight.” 

“Pasta is a lot of calories. Baby steps, Derek.”

“Can you eat before we go?”

“We’re going movie hunting tonight?”

“You haven’t walked past the back porch since you got here, you could use the air.”

Stiles slumps a bit, lacing their hands, holding Derek. They’ve done this before, thought about leaving the house and Stiles ended up rejecting the idea out of fear.

“Come on…. For real this time. Do it for Casper.”

Stiles giggles and Derek feels like he just won heavyweight championship, like he just finished a marathon. His heart was racing with a feeling of accomplishment. Stiles smiled and he made him smile, it felt like ages since Stiles seemed so sincere, so remotely close to happiness. 

“I’ll do it for Casper. I didn’t bring much, you’ll have to live with my orange flannel.”

“The nice one?”

“Is anything orange nice?”

“There’s one that looks really nice on you.”

“I applied for some jobs.”

“I know.”

“We can buy more once I have some money collected.”

Their house was secluded, along the edge of the woods, very close to a lake. Stiles has never ventured out far enough to see the lake, he hardly made it to the porch swing most nights, and usually he’d be curled up under a blanket with coffee and Derek would sit next to him and watch him stare emptily at the coffee cup, sometimes at the flowers Derek planted before Stiles arrived because he knew that Stiles liked flowers, that gardens were comforting to him. It leaned itself to Stiles secluded state of mind, it’s a wonder he even ventured out to return those applications the second day he was there, it was also the last time he went out. 

“Has anybody called you back?”

“Not yet… But they will. Don’t you ever want to do more?” he asks Derek. 

“Like… what?”

“I don’t know, you’re only twenty three, you can still get a college degree, you could still… go for something. Management, corporate work, law… Science maybe.”

“Maybe…” 

“You should, you could have it all.”

“I… have a degree that I finished a while back actually.”

“You do?” Stiles asks a bit surprised. “You’ve never mentioned school before.”

“Just… online classes that I ended up finishing for my Bachelors in Law and management.”

“Really?”

“Yeah... “

Stiles nods, hand moving to caress his cheek. “I’d… like  to go movie hunting with you.”

“Good because I wasn’t going alone.” He gets up slowly, Stiles frowning slightly. “Let me warm up a plate of food for you.”

“Not too much. Baby steps.”

“Baby steps,” Derek agrees and kisses him briefly, Stiles head tilting up to follow his lips, but Derek was gone before he knew. His nails claw aimlessly at his arms through his sweatshirt, he listens carefully the sounds of plates scratching each other, of the oven opening, of the microwave turning on. He worries his lip, and he wonders if things could genuinely get better for them, or if they’ll live in seclusion like this forever. He gets so lost it’s almost like he’s sleeping when Derek returns with food. 

“Can…. Maybe…. You should get a job too. In law enforcement. Work your way up to a really nice CEO position, and one day we’d move into a penthouse in the city, live a really nice life, with maybe a few pets.”

Derek nods, watching as Stiles accepts the plate, stabs at a shrimp. “You just… conjured up this life for us in the five minutes it took to heat up your dinner?”

“Welll…. No. I always imagined I’d become a CSI or maybe a detective and we’d work our way up in fame and status… I’ve also considered becoming a lawyer.”

“And now?”

“Well… I still want all that, but I also want you to have something too. If… we’re going to date, we have to be a partnership. I’m not… going to pull a Jenny, you know? I’m not going to run from you and I don’t want you to run from me again, I want us… to be forever, so that means I have to make sure you’re happy too. Right?”

“Where is all of this coming from?”

“I don’t know but you have this degree, why not pursue your passion? I mean, books are your passion but if this is something you want, something you  _ have…  _ why can’t you? There’s nothing chasing us here… nothing out to get us.”

“Right… We’re safe here,” he reiterated, just making sure it’s setting in.

“I… I know I haven’t been myself, I know I’m… fading, but… this will pass ,right? I’ll be myself again?”

“Soon, you’ll be someone pretty similar.” Derek offers a smile, settled by Stiles’ legs. 

“So… I get my GED, I go to college, you get a job, we can… live a better life. I want a better life. I’m sick of being so afraid, of feeling…  _ sick _ .” Derek mentally adds ‘like your mother’ because he noticed the acute similarities between Stiles and schizophrenia patients, even if his mother had Dementia, there were signs but not often enough, not similar enough, not frequently enough for him to be concerned.

“You’re not sick,” Derek says, mostly to assure himself of this fact.

“No… I’m okay. I’m going to be okay.”

“You need to eat to be okay love.”

Stiles finally eats the skewered shrimp, chewing on it slowly, like he forgot how to chew, or how to eat. Stiles looks to the black TV screen and finally decides on texting his dad. It’s the first time in a while Derek has seen him pick up his phone. [txt: dad;  _ can you send over my movie collection? I miss them. _ ] he really hopes, deep inside, he’s not taking something from his dad, or that this is harming him in some way, like whatever remained of his son in the house was now vanishing. Forgotten. But he wasn’t vanishing, he was just… taking a deep breath, far, far away.

“Who’s that?” Derek asks.

“My dad. I want the movie collection. My version of Jennifer’s body is a classic.”

“You really love that movie.”

“Demons and sex, what’s not to love?”

“The fact that she kills everyone she sleeps with? Or can lure in?”

“Sex is a sin.”

“Doesn’t stop you.”

“No, it doesn’t, you’re right. But no human is perfect.”

Derek smiles, he likes when Stiles talks to him, even if it’s not nearly as fast or loaded with dialogue as it used to be. What remnants of Stiles was left, were all he really needed. Soon, he would have his love back. Soon things would be okay.

He turns the TV on and flips to anything remotely halloween related on, leans back as  _ Moms Got a Date with a Vampire  _ makes it’s presence known through the living room speakers and Stiles seems visibly pleased. He thinks maybe it’s time for some change, that Stiles deserved a life where he felt loved not neglected, warm and happy the way he did when they were still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship last year. (part of him feels like the phase never ended, he still feels the enormous amounts of affection now as he did then.) 

“Can we bake too?” Stiles asks. “I want to make pumpkin bars to go with coffee tonight.”

“Yeah… we can bake too,” Derek agrees. He feels like maybe the wheels are finally turning, but his hopes smatter a bit when Stiles declares himself done with dinner a few bites later, hardly half the plate gone.  _ Baby steps  _ he reminds himself.  _ Baby steps.  _

This thought process has to continue when Stiles seems less excited when he faces the closet, trying to pick a shirt or a tshirt, before deciding to start by wriggling into jeans instead. He leaves the loose shirt on, still looking and Derek cross the room, tucks in the crisp grey tshirt into his jeans and hands him his iconic leather jacket.

“This is yours.”

“You like wearing my clothes.”

“You adore this jacket, it was your fathers jacket. I can’t take it from you.”

“You’re not taking it, you’re wearing it out to buy DVD’s and then you’re just going to hang it back up when we get home.”

Stiles nods slowly, Derek can hear his heart racing, noting the change, the way his emotions are starting to connect to him again. It was so subtle, yet there. Stiles was so similar to a painting, frozen in time, so beautiful and young, yet so tired seeming, so sullen, so much wiser beyond his years in a way an almost 18 year old should never really be. He pulls Stiles close and kisses his head, Stiles squeaking, the jacket half on and falling limply to his side as he lets Derek kiss him.

“What was that?”

“You had me thinking weird mushy things and I felt like you needed a kiss.”

“Weird mushy things? Does Derek Hale, in fact, possess such thoughts?”

“Only when it comes to you… Really.”

“Hmmm, I’m so special,” he teases in a whispy voice, mocking slightly. He smiles just the slightest, lips quirking up just barely, but noticeably, Derek kisses him there too and Stiles seems content with his share of kisses. “I look real bad in this jacket.”

“You do it suits you.”

Stiles nods in agreement, posing for the mirror not very purposefully, trying to decide how often he’ll have to steal the jacket from him. He finally lets go of the other sleeve and slips it on, and then laces hands with Derek, chewing his nip anxiously. 

“Hey…. nothing is going to hurt you out there.”

“Yeah… Nothing is going to hurt me.”

“I’ll protect you. Always.”

Stiles nods. “And I you.”

“Romantic shit,” Derek jokes and Stiles leans his head on his shoulder.

“Just… five more minutes.”

Derek nods, watching Stiles traces the shadows on the walls, watching him glance out at the dark evening sky, it was hardly even 6 but it resembled midnight. Derek was ever patient with Stiles, when five turned to twenty he waited. When five turned to thirty, he waited. When Stiles finally took a step forward a quarter to an hour later, he followed him obediently. They had healing to do, but for the first time in two weeks, they were making progress, baby steps forward, just small enough to catch Stiles if he falls back again. They were going to be okay, maybe not after their movie night and baking, but with time, they would be, in fact, okay. 


End file.
